Finding the Woman Underneath It All

Most women don’t lose themselves overnight. They disappear slowly, while doing everything they were supposed to do.

Building a career. Holding a family together. Being reliable. Being capable. Being the one who remembers, organises, supports, anticipates. Add perimenopause into that mix and the body starts behaving differently. Energy becomes unpredictable. Sleep fragments. Mood feels fragile. Motivation comes and goes without a clear reason.

And eventually, many women say the same quiet sentence.

“I don’t feel like myself anymore.”

This isn’t a mindset issue. And it isn’t weakness. It’s often what happens when a woman lives too long in survival efficiency and her body finally asks for something different. This is where the conversation about feminine energy becomes useful, if we translate it properly. Not as a trend. Not as an identity. But as a biological and psychological state that can be rebuilt.

Feminine Energy Is a State, Not a Personality. Let’s be clear from the start. This is not about being artistic, expressive, soft, or “creative” in the usual sense. You don’t need to paint, journal, dance, write, or suddenly reinvent yourself. Many women switch off when they hear the word creativity because they think it belongs to other people. It doesn’t.

From a neuroscience perspective, creativity simply means the brain is not locked in constant problem-solving, threat scanning, and performance mode. It’s a flexible, receptive state where the nervous system is not braced for impact. Every human nervous system has access to this state. Most women just trained themselves out of it.

How High-Functioning Women End Up in Control Mode? For capable women, control works. Control gets results. Control keeps everything moving. Control keeps everyone safe. Planning, managing, fixing, anticipating, pushing through. These behaviours are rewarded at work, at home, and socially. Over time, they become automatic. The nervous system adapts by staying alert. The brain becomes efficient, task-oriented, and future-focused.

The cost is subtle at first. Less play. Less curiosity. Less pleasure without justification. Less ability to just be. This is not a flaw. It’s an adaptation. The problem is that control mode is metabolically expensive, and perimenopause often exposes that cost.

What Perimenopause Changes in the Brain and Body

Perimenopause is not simply “low estrogen.” It’s a period of hormonal instability. Estrogen can fluctuate dramatically. Progesterone often becomes inconsistent earlier. Sleep becomes lighter. Stress tolerance narrows. The brain regions that regulate reproductive hormones are closely linked to emotional regulation and the stress response. When hormones fluctuate, the nervous system becomes more reactive.

Many women notice:
– they are more easily overwhelmed
– stress hits harder
– recovery takes longer
– joy feels muted or distant

The brain responds logically by tightening control, as trained for so many years. More planning. More discipline. More effort. Which makes sense, but it also pushes women further away from the part of themselves that feels alive.

So let me say: most women don’t need to become someone new. They need to reconnect with who they were before everything became about performance, responsibility, and coping. The woman who could notice things. The one who could be absorbed in a moment. The one who felt delight without analysing it. The one who could enjoy something without earning it first. She didn’t disappear. She just hasn’t been prioritised.

At VANTA, feminine energy isn’t defined by behaviour or personality. It’s defined by nervous system state. It’s the state associated with safety, connection, receptivity, and presence. The opposite of chronic urgency.

In physiological terms, this is the difference between a nervous system dominated by threat and one that can shift into rest, connection, and recovery.

This state supports:
– emotional regulation
– motivation and resilience
– social bonding
– recovery and sleep
– better tolerance of hormonal fluctuation

This is not indulgence. It’s regulation.

Why Delight and “Small Joys” Matter More Than We Think

Seeing a baby. Watching a kitten play. Receiving flowers. Hearing a song that lands in the body. Feeling genuinely seen by someone you love. Walks in nature.

These are real triggers, changing chemistry in our brain. These moments activate reward and bonding pathways in the brain, including dopamine and oxytocin signalling. They reduce perceived threat and increase a sense of safety and connection. Estrogen interacts with these systems. When estrogen is fluctuating, access to pleasure and reward can feel blunted.

That doesn’t mean women stop needing joy. It means they need to practice letting it back in. This is where the language of “ohhhh” and “ahhh” moments fits, not as magic, but as nervous system cues. They tell the body: you are safe enough to feel.

Many women say “I’m not creative” when what they really mean is:
“I’ve been useful for so long, I forgot how to be present.”

Creativity here does not mean making something impressive. It means allowing the brain to operate in a mode that is not fixing, proving, or performing. Noticing beauty counts. Enjoying music counts. Standing in the sun counts. Laughing without guilt counts. No talent required.

Control Mode vs Create Mode

Think of this as two operating modes, not identities.

Control mode:
– planning
– managing
– anticipating
– fixing
– performing

Create mode:
– sensing
– noticing
– receiving
– responding
– enjoying

Most women live almost exclusively in control mode. "Create" mode feels inefficient at first. Even uncomfortable. That’s normal. But create mode is where recovery happens. It’s where emotional flexibility returns. It’s where women often say, “I feel more like myself again.”

A key VANTA truth is this:
Most women aren’t disconnected. They’re over-regulated. This isn’t about adding another task. It’s about changing the quality of moments you already have.

Morning: Safety Before Stimulation (3 minutes)
Before emails, news, or social media, offer one signal of safety: drink your coffee slowly, step outside and feel the light, play one song you love. No phone. No productivity. This tells your nervous system the day does not start with threat.

Midday: Micro Creation (4 minutes)
Do one small act that produces something without pressure. Write a few lines in your notes. Take a photo. Rearrange flowers. Choose music based on mood. Creation here means expression, not output.

Afternoon: Unplanned Joy (2 minutes)
Ask one question: “What would feel like a small yes right now?” Not what’s efficient. Not what’s responsible. A short walk. Standing outside. Watching something that makes you smile. This retrains permission.

Evening: Close With Connection or Awe (3 minutes)
End the day with something that signals completion, not collapse. A longer, 20sec hug. Stretching with music. A slow shower. Looking at the sky. This supports the transition into rest.

One Extra Practice: Receiving  Once a day, practice receiving without deflecting. Accept the compliment. Let someone help. Say thank you without minimising. This often feels harder than effort. And it’s incredibly powerful.

Why This Matters Beyond Perimenopause

Women don’t burn out because they’re weak. They burn out because they live too long without access to states that restore them. Perimenopause doesn’t create this imbalance. It exposes it. Reclaiming feminine energy is not about stepping back from ambition. It’s about creating enough internal safety and flexibility that ambition doesn’t cost you yourself.

Where Coaching Fits

Most women already know what they “should” do. What they’re missing is translation of how to apply nervous system science to real life? How to adapt expectations during hormonal change? How to rebuild trust with their body instead of fighting it?

That’s where VANTA sits. Not motivation. Not mindset hacks. But translation between science, psychology, physical health, and lived reality.

The woman underneath the roles is still there. She hasn’t gone anywhere. She’s just been waiting for space.