The Mindset Trap: Why Wanting Change Isn’t Enough—And What No One Tells You About the Process
You set the goal. You feel the fire. You're ready to finally take charge of your health, your energy, your body. You've had enough of the fatigue, the bloating, the mood swings, the feeling like your body is rebelling against you. You decide: This is it. I'm going to change.
For a week or two, you’re crushing it. You're walking more. Eating better. You even slept well three nights in a row.
Then something shifts. The spark dims. You skip a day, then two. The habits feel heavy. You scroll social media and see someone else already transformed, and think, "Maybe I’m just not cut out for this."
Here’s what no one tells you about change: Wanting change isn’t enough.
Change is a process, not a lightning bolt. And if you don’t understand the psychology of change, you’ll keep repeating the same cycle: Start strong, crash, blame yourself, quit. Let’s break that cycle today.
1. The Motivation Myth
Most people believe change starts with motivation. But motivation is unreliable and frankly, overrated. It fluctuates with your hormones, your stress levels, your sleep, your social media feed. It can vanish as quickly as it appears.
What actually initiates change is discomfort. That sense of "I can’t live like this anymore." That raw, quiet frustration with how things are. Motivation may kickstart things, but it’s momentum that keeps you going.
This is why so many women feel confused: They think, "I wanted this so badly—why can’t I keep it up?" Because the system has sold you the fantasy that wanting it is enough. But desire alone doesn’t rewire habits, heal trauma, or regulate hormones. You need a plan.
2. The Emotional Curve of Change
Here’s a truth bomb: Change is emotional. Not just logical, not just physical. It’s deeply psychological.
Change follows a predictable, emotional curve:
Phase 1: Excitement – The honeymoon phase. You’re all in. Vision board made. Supplements ordered.
Phase 2: Resistance – The "I don't wanna" phase. You start to rebel against your own goals.
Phase 3: Doubt – You question if you have what it takes. Old beliefs whisper, "See? You always give up, you are fine as is..."
Phase 4: Grit – If you stay the course, you begin building self-trust. You don’t feel amazing every day, but you show up anyway.
Phase 5: Reinforcement – Wins stack. Your confidence grows. Identity shifts. You’re no longer forcing change; you’re living it.
The problem? Most people quit in Phase 2 or 3 because they think something's gone wrong. But that’s just the messy middle. It’s where all transformation happens.
3. The Real Roadblocks (That No One Talks About)
Here are the psychological barriers that will derail your progress unless you expect them:
All-or-nothing thinking: If you miss a workout or eat pizza, you decide the whole day (or week) is ruined. You’re either perfect or you’ve failed. This is the #1 mindset that keeps women stuck.
The comparison trap: Seeing someone else's transformation and using it as proof that you're not doing enough. The only timeline that matters is yours.
Sabotage disguised as self-care: Telling yourself "I need a break" when what you really need is structure. True self-care isn't indulgence; it’s honouring your future self.
The inner critic: That voice that tells you you're lazy, undisciplined, or broken. That voice is not your truth. It's your conditioning.
Fear of success: It sounds odd, but some part of you might fear what happens if you succeed. Will people expect more? Will your relationships shift? Will you still be relatable?
All of these are normal. But if you don’t see them for what they are, they’ll run the show.
4. What You Can Expect to Feel (That You Shouldn't Fear)
Let’s normalise the emotional messiness of change:
Boredom: Repeating habits is not sexy. It’s effective. Don’t chase novelty; chase consistency.
Frustration: Your body may take longer to respond than you want. Especially in perimenopause. That doesn’t mean it’s not working.
Shame: Missing days, eating off-plan, snapping at your kids—you may feel like you’re failing. You’re not. You’re learning.
Resentment: Sometimes you’ll resent that it takes so much effort. Especially if your partner doesn’t get it. That’s part of the process too.
Fear: Of the unknown, of changing too fast, of leaving old identities behind.
These feelings aren’t proof something is wrong. They’re signs that you’re growing.
5. The Mindset Shifts That Actually Work
Let’s get practical. Here are mindset tools that actually move the needle:
Identity-based change: Don’t say, "I’m trying to be healthy." Say, "I’m a woman who prioritises her health."
Focus on process, not outcome: Weight loss is great, but how do you feel? Are you sleeping better? More emotionally regulated? That’s success.
Track the small wins: Kept your promise to yourself this morning? That’s gold. Confidence is built through micro-successes.
Practice compassionate discipline: Be firm with your habits, gentle with your emotions. Don’t let every bad day turn into a bad week.
Let go of linearity: Progress isn’t a straight line. It’s a spiral. You revisit old patterns with more wisdom each time.
6. What No One Tells You
You won’t always feel motivated. That’s normal.
You won’t always feel proud. That’s okay.
Some days it will feel like it’s not working. Keep going anyway.
You don’t need willpower. You need systems and support.
You also need to know that you are not broken. If you’re a woman in your 40s or 50s and everything feels harder than it used to—it’s not all in your head. It’s in your hormones, your nervous system, your life load.
That’s why you need a different kind of support.
VANTA Coaching: The Reset You Deserve
You don’t need to be perfect. You need to be prepared.
Prepared for the emotional curve. Prepared for resistance. Prepared to keep going when it gets uncomfortable.
That’s how real change happens.
Ready to stop surviving and start reclaiming your power, peace, and purpose?
DM us “RESET” to start your journey with VANTA.